I always knew I was different, because I could never fit in with any group I encountered. I tried to force myself to do what everyone else was doing, but going to parties, bars, clubs, trying new drugs, serial dating, and drinking was something that I never found exciting.
Growing up people always asked if indeed I was on drugs because of how happy and blissful I naturally was. But there wasn't anything external that made me feel joyful, it was a feeling that came from within me. The feeling of being alive, so I would always say “I am high on life”.
And it was the kind of high that had lows too. So when I felt sad, lonely and afraid I knew that just like the feeling of being blissful, that being in the darkness was something that was part of life. And I discovered that it is only through the darkness that you can break free from your fears and come into the light.
I stopped forcing myself to “fit in” with the herd of getting off work, going to happy hour and looking forward to only the weekends. I finally let myself do what made me feel peaceful, loved and free. Which was being in nature, writing, creating art, inventing, meditating, praying, reading sacred scripts, practicing yoga, and spending a lot of quality time alone.
I found the light within myself by going through the darkness of my most deepest darkest fears. The fear of having an unplanned pregnancy, the fear of being alone, the fear of not having enough, the fear of not being enough, the fear of looking at my true self and the fear of showing others who I really am.
I knew I had to go through the darkness of my fears to become light, so I can be ready to fly.
Just like a caterpillar who cocoons itself in the darkness, a magical transformation happens. When you realize that you have the power of choice, and that you can become whomever you choose to be. You become the creator of yourself.
By facing all of my fears, I literally liquified my old self while I was in the darkness. And yes I had to go through the incredibly painful and difficult physical, mental and emotional struggle of breaking free from the cocoon of my fear in order to strengthen my wings so that I could be ready to fly.
You see if you help a butterfly break free from its cocoon, it will die. This is why you cannot get others to go through the struggle for you, nor can you do this for others. In fact if you do, you will cripple them. It is something that only you can do for yourself, and something that only others can do for themselves if they want to fly. So many people try to help others, because subconsciously they are avoiding facing their own fears. It feels good and rewarding to help others, and it feels uncomfortable and even painful to face your fears.
The first step is the scariest, you have to go inward and look at who you really are, and ask yourself what it is that really scares you the most and why? For me, it was applying for Shark Tank. I have spent the past ten years in a cocoon like state being afraid of what questions they would ask me, and if I had the right answers. Showing the world who I really am and what others would say about me. I knew I had to break free form this fear by facing it.
This is me breaking free from my cocoon of fears and flying free. Because it is only by going through the darkness of your fears that you become light. And it is only when you are light that you will finally be ready to fly.